Spoon Fed: Life During Coronavirus
Our lives were going along in a normal fashion even as reports of a respiratory illness were coming out of China and had begun to hit the media. My husband was still traveling on business, returning from a trip to Chicago at the end of February, 2020. Our 18 year old daughter was enjoying her final semester of her senior year of high school. I went on a “girls” trip to Washington DC in early March. Like the rest of the world, we were following the reports, but with no great concern as to what it all was going to mean eventually.
On my DC trip we went to all the common, crowded, tourism sites. I tried to wear my winter leather gloves everywhere, too warm for the beautiful spring weather, but more as a half-hearted attempt at precaution. My sister uncharacteristically asked a stranger at the airport she saw coughing open mouthed to please cough into her elbow. We had awareness yes, but no idea of the escalation that was soon to come.
CDC: The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic is a pandemic of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) caused by the severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2). The disease was first identified in Wuhan, Hubei, China in December 2019.
Growing up, every weeknight evening a man sat behind a desk and read the news on television. He wore a suit and tie, the desk was plain, in the background was a clock. He was on at six o’clock, on three channels, sometimes only one. He just sat there with papers in front of him and read - dispassionately. He wasn’t angry or outraged. He wasn’t snarky or funny. He would just read the information to the cameras. The viewers would make up their own minds about the information they heard. They would talk perhaps with others the next day at the office and discuss what was on the news the night prior. There was the opportunity to make up our own minds about the news. After 30 minutes he was done reading and he would sign off, until the next evening.
An important role which is often ascribed to the media is that of “agenda-setter”. Georgetown University professor Gary Wasserman describes this as "putting together an agenda of national priorities — what should be taken seriously, what lightly, what not at all". Wasserman calls this "the most important political function the media perform.”
“Always predict the worst and you’ll be hailed as a prophet” - Tom Lehrer
We currently have thousands if not tens of thousands of news sources at our mere finger tips. We don’t have to tune in to one particular channel at a specified time on a certain day. It is ALL there for us 24/7. Some of our major news sources are: ABC News, CBS News, CNN, Fox, MSNBC, NBC, New York TImes, LA Times, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Bloomberg, Vice News, CNET, Techmeme, NPR, Hollywood Reporter, Newsweek, Time, US News & World Report, The Guardian. I’m sure each of you could add many more sources of where you get your information. Not even mentioned are the numerous omnipotent social media platforms we rabbit hole into daily, hourly.
The six corporations that collectively control U.S. media today are Time Warner, Walt Disney, Viacom, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., CBS Corporation and NBC Universal with a market reach over 90% combined.
Approximately two weeks after my husband's business trip to Chicago he woke up not feeling well. Headache, body aches, overall flu symptoms, he spent a few days on the couch horizontal, a very uncommon sight. Two days later I woke up with similar symptoms. We both wrote it off to a “bug”. As the days wore on the symptoms began to compound.
Upon waking each morning a bitter/poisoned feeling of the body
The only time we felt good was when we were sleeping - we slept a lot
I lost my sense of taste and smell
Night sweats, fever
Body aches - headaches
Then after about 5-7 days a second round of symptoms arose:
Nausea vomiting diarrhea
Rash on torso (spreading, itchy)
Severe chills
Cough
As we zombie-like stumbled around our home we tried to find remedies, anything to help relieve our symptoms, what worked for us were:
Humidifier - ran non stop for 5 weeks
Alka seltzer - for the nausea
Tylenol - a staple every 4-6 hours
HOT epsom salt baths - 2-3 a day some days
In the depths of the sickness time straggled on. There were days when I struggled to get out of bed. I often awoke with crippling worries of my sick elderly father or mother contracting this virus and perhaps dying now, of all times, and of all things to end a long life with. My fears of my adult sons out in the world making their way through these dangerous waters of jobs, relationships and loneliness. Compounded with the overall suppressive weight of sadness and anxiety pronounced currently in our world on every screen I look to. I found a Jack Kornfeld Bodhisattva article in which he urged us to take those fears, worries and anxieties and lay them in the lap of the Buddha. “Allow them to be carried by great winds across the sky” as the Ojibwa elders state. Just the simple act of reading these words softened my shoulders and opened my chest. Just a few words affected my unease profoundly.
On day eight I called my doctor. Her nurse practitioner said we most likely had Influenza A with an added GI bug. We waited, slept and sweated it out. At our sickest we were seeing reports everywhere of the Covid19 outbreak. Countries were closing their borders, Washington State and California were reporting confirmed cases, “social distancing” became a thing, toilet paper was being hoarded…. we laid in our bed. On day 12 I called our doctor again and was told it was possible we had COVID19 but we did not qualify for testing. Wait it out, it should end soon, and if we have any trouble breathing we should get to the ER immediately.
That Saturday I awoke in a start and literally leapt from my bed. My chest was heavy, my pulse racing. The usual sweat covered me. I had to get outside, if I didn’t get to a place of spaciousness I knew I would die. I ran to our open sun room, I looked upon the bright moon light to soothe me. I practiced my yogic breathing, slowly following the breath through one nostril and crossing to the other nostril. My mind was whizzing with fear, is this it? Do I need to go to the hospital? Am I breathing? Is my pulse too fast? I worked hard to steady my breathing, it was all I focused on. I eventually found my way back to bed, and told my husband of my panic attack. We laid down together and listened to a guided meditation. After the unease quieted I marveled at what our minds can do to our bodies.
We continued to muddle through, sicker than we’ve ever felt. I had to get up one night and stop our grandfather clock, the usual comforting tick of the pendulum and melodic chime that comforted me most of my life, was now too much for my nervous system.
To pass the hours and days when not sleeping and when I couldn’t find ANYTHING else on Netflix I would turn to my news app on my phone. I am a known non-news gal, and have been told I even have “my head in the sand” when it comes to news. I have a strong belief that news is just “spoon feeding” our society. When in 1990 the Kardashians began to inundate the media I decided I’d had enough. I was over the sensational lure of the media, so clearly distributed for the sole purpose of generating revenue. The scent of hyperbole was overwhelmingly toxic. I knew if there was something I needed to know, I would find out. I have held true to this approach for my “news” for over ten years now. Until Covid19.
It has been several weeks since my symptoms have receded. I am no longer living on Tylenol. I am no longer awakened in sweat and coughing spasms yet each morning I now read multiple news articles before I get out of bed. I am addicted to seeing the charts and graphs each day, the number of changes in new cases and morbidly, the number of new deaths. It is a sick sort of occult. It is the last thing I do before I close my eyes each night and first in the mornings. I’m hooked, like a drug. I've allowed myself to be swept up, I’ve lost my own mind.
I long for the man behind the desk for 30 minutes each evening.
My meditation practice is replaced with fear, anxiety and worry.
My yoga practice is replaced with doom scrolling.
Very slowly as my body heals and my mind adjusts to our new lifestyle I feel a prickle of awakening. A kindling of my own mind, my own truth, my own path to moving forward. Gradually my mind begins to rise away from the media fog I have entered for the past several weeks. I am able to be a witness to how it has affected me.
“More than half of Americans say the news causes them stress, and many report feeling anxiety, fatigue or sleep loss as a result. Yet one in 10 adults checks the news every hour, and fully 20% of Americans report “constantly” monitoring their social media feeds—which often exposes them to the latest news headlines, whether they like it or not. Today’s news is “increasingly visual and shocking, and manipulative” “Our studies also showed that this change in mood exacerbates the viewer’s own personal worries, even when those worries are not directly relevant to the news stories being broadcast,”
The human brain is also wired to pay attention to information that scares or unsettles us—a concept known as “negativity bias“. “There’s this idea of following the news in order to be an informed citizen, but a lot of what you see today is gossip elevated to a sophisticated level,” if the news you consume is getting you worked up or worried—some would say this is exactly the goal of much of today’s coverage.
In an attempt to help snap me out of my media coma my husband sent me Some Good News with John Krasinski. It didn’t stick, perhaps due to the above mentioned “negativity bias”, it was just another channel, another media outlet. Another spoon feeding.
We are born with consciousness, it is our humanness. It is in our genetics to respond with love to infants, compassion is a gut reaction to elders, a tenderness with each birthday I cross. Tears are expressions of love, as is laughter, we can’t help but love or laugh. Open our compassionate hearts; ingest the pain and suffering of our neighbors and respond with love. Social media has the ability to connect us with many people, yet we do have a responsibility to post things that are true, kind, beneficial, offered with good intention, and shared at the right time.
Do you remember Kobe Bryants helicopter crash headlines? The Australian wildfires? Death of Iranian major general Qasem Soleimani? #sussexit? These were the top headlines a mere three MONTHS, 12 weeks, 90 days prior.
Was it my illness or media that clouded my mind? Was it my “flu” or news that has made me feel down and depressed? Has turning up news poisoned me or was it a novel virus from a wet market in Wuhan China? Assuredly a combination of both these toxins.
I have learned that all media simply takes you away from the reality of what is the present. What and how much, and from where, we read/watch is a choice, even if a difficult choice. I feel invaded, deluged in the media when I travel through an airport or sit at a bar with media flooding from the background. The world news can be overwhelming and leave us feeling helpless and powerless. I have found all I can do is to be involved in my own community. Support small local businesses, pay attention to my neighbors, notice what is going on in our community schools and local homeless populations. I wholeheartedly endorse “if you want to change the world - start at home”.
I know for me, for my peace of mind, for my own sanity I need to look away from the screens. I need to write more. I need to stay hydrated and take my supplements. I need to eat well. I need to exercise and watch the sunset. I need to continue my practices. Break from media, limit information - don't allow this to derail me, stay the course for myself and those around me. Feed my consciousness what nourishes it.
I have taken up my meditation practice again in the mornings, I practiced yoga for the first time in a month yesterday. I am writing again. I have turned off my news apps.
As we gratefully see the numbers surrounding COVID19 pandemic begin to level off, as we hear of plans to reopen societies I can’t help but wonder what will be our next new “headline” What will be served up next?
We are what we eat.
“They don’t publish the good news
The good news is published by us
We have a special edition every moment”
Thich Nhat Hanh
As of April 15, 2020 in the United States:
622,923 confirmed cases
27,586 deaths
47,707 recovered
RESOURCES:
CDC website
Wikipedia
worldometers.info
https://time.com/5125894/is-reading-news-bad-for-you/
dictionary.com
Written while loudly listening to and inspired by “Culture of Fear” by Thievery Corporation
https://www.metrolyrics.com/culture-of-fear-lyrics-thievery-corporation.html