The Phantasmagorical Bardo of Becoming
Bardo: noun
(in Tibetan Buddhism) a state of existence between death and rebirth, typically 49 days and includes three stages. It is a Buddhist tradition to pray for the deceased during this time, hoping that the benefits of such practices would reach the deceased.
In Tibetan Buddhist practice, death is the separation of the mind (consciousness) from the body. It is believed that one's consciousness does not die with the body, but continues in subtle form in metaphysical dimensions called Bardo, or 'hanging in between'.
I often think of my son's friend as “hanging in between”, even all these years later. He was just shy of his 21st birthday when the wheel of his skateboard caught at the pebble in the road and he was flung backwards, landing squarely on the back of his head. I imagine my son, his best friend, by his side, waiting for medical help, reassuring him. Before he left consciousness, never to return, perhaps trying to comfort them both my son saying “its going to be alright.” I picture blood coming from his nose, his eyes were glassy and slightly panicked, yet he seemed to be relieved to hear these comforting words as he was loaded into the back of the ambulance.. I sometimes wonder if he heard those final words from my son and held onto them as he suddenly found himself in the throngs of his death. This is not what he, or any one of us thought would happen on that glorious spring afternoon. The crew of friends casually set off to the park on skateboards to toss the frisbee as they did many times before. The pebble creates a sudden stop.
He lived for a few days longer on life support after the airlift to the brain surgery was realized the brain did not survive the impact of the pavement. He artificially lived on for his mother and his brother to travel to his bedside to say their goodbyes. He was kept alive so that his vibrant healthy young body could be used to help others. On the day of his accident he had in his wallet his signed organ donor card, securing life for others. He was later honored as one of the most life-giving organ donors in the state. His eyes now shine from someone elses face. His life gave organs, pumping and pulsing in a multitude of other bodies scattered across the country.
I feel he is somehow still right there, a steward to the first stage of Bardo. A chaperone, a guide if you will, particularly for other young men who meet a sudden and unexpected death. For those who were going to pick up their friends and didn’t see the red light turn, drug addicts simply looking for their next high yet going too high, and those walking across the intersection minding their own business, all abruptly confronted with death. I believe he introduces the concept of being dead to those transitioning. He is a comfortable web for the frightened to land in, he is waiting there to reassure the suddenly dead and perhaps speaks to them repeatedly ‘its going to be alright”.
We have a friend who is facing death as I write this. Kevin will die of cancer soon. He knows he will die soon, he is home with Hospice. His body has been ravaged, his organs are beginning to succumb to the tumors. What does he think of when he goes to sleep at night? Does he go to sleep? He has some time, his doctors say 2 weeks - 6 months.. The sense of urgency moves us all to call and send cards more often, time quickly shrinks. Do the pain meds help him not only with the physical pain he is currently enduring but also with the mental anguish and or peace of knowing his life will end in the near brilliant future, and not in the distance foggy years of the unknown, as most of us have the leisure of. Will he move through the states of Bardo differently since he knows death is arriving soon and, maybe he is preparing his mind for this ultimate transition.
We could all be there at any moment , and we are all heading there eventually. Nobody gets out alive. By practicing the corpse pose in yoga, that stillness, that releasing, that letting go of the mind body and breath, it as just a rehearsal for our ultimate final pose.
Kevin’s wife texted us this morning:
“Sorry to text early, but Kevin has taken a turn for the worse. Would you be free to talk to him? He won't be able to respond, but he can hear you. Text me when you can”
She arranged the phone call - we were on speaker and she would tell us “he’s smiling, he’s nodding” in response to our shaking voices and tearfilled laughter. We tried our best to tell him “It is going to be alright”.
After the call I texted her:
“Thank you for letting us call and giving us the opportunity to say good bye.”
Two hours later we received :
“Kevin passed at 2:10pm today”
He entered Bardo stage one at 2:10 pm Saturday September 25th.. While in the bardo between life and death, Buddhist texts state that the consciousness of the deceased can still apprehend words and prayers spoken on its behalf, which can help it to navigate through any confusion or chaos it may endure. We have Kevin’s photo on the mantel, candle lit beside it. We send out into the ethers the universal prayer “Om Mani Padme Hum” (a powerful mantra that is said to encompass every one of the Buddhas teachings) as we walk by his candlelit image through each day. This small practice reminds me “it’s all going to be alright”.
The Three Bardo States:
First Bardo state - It is the period of unconsciousness, which may last for 3 to 4 days.
Second Bardo state - In this state, consciousness awakens, it unfolds like a flower exhibiting its natural radiance, which is experienced as color, light and sound. This 'energy' then coheres to form a 'Mandala' of deities, like Bodhisattva, etc. Enlightenment or if the mind does not recognize itself, the consciousness then enters the phantasmagoric Bardo of becoming.
Third Bardo state- It is the phantasmagoric Bardo of becoming. Here the mind takes on a mental body in a dimension where thoughts literally form one's reality. In the Bardo of becoming, one is still merely an automation, 'programmed' by one's Karma in the past lives.
Addendum: We kept the Bardo for Kevin through these weeks. Lighting candles at cathedrals across Europe as we traveled recently. He left us the greatest gift in the bright starkness of his death, life is short. Too short. I see him fully ensconced by the light of his next path. His vacuum is vast. There is a hole. There is a woman. There are two daughters. His celebration of life is next weekend. It will be held on the exact 49th day since his death.
SOURCES:
Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche
https://www.buddhistdoor.com/OldWeb/bdoor/0606/sources/teach104.htm#t1044