Slipping Away From Myself

I sit here staring out the floor to ceiling windows. Light snow/ drizzle outside. The earth getting a much needed dampening. 

I feel myself slipping outside of myself. A trance. I told someone recently I’m on auto pilot. I don’t feel alive. Is this depression?  Is this disassociation?  I’m sure there are  100+ more diagnosis and words for what I’m experiencing.  

I wake up and meditate for approx 20 min. I get up go in a 1.5 mile hilly walk with my husband and the dogs. I set my own work schedule and do mostly what I want when I want. And yet it feels like my life isn’t truly my own. 

I’m just biding time.  It’s ticking growing louder and louder every day.